Yusei's Fatal Happy Meal
by joodai
Summary: Yusei goes to McDonald's but he faces a shitty demise.


Yusei pulled up on his d-wheel, giddy with excitement. He absolutely adored going to McDonald's. It was easily his favorite restaurant. What, with the cheap prices but high quality eats. The smell of pure grease. The gourmet 100% real beef and chicken meal selections. Not to mention the golden deliciousness that were the perfectly fried french fries. But the fries were not what Yusei was after. No, he had his mind set on exactly what he wanted.

"Hello, welcome to McDonald's, what can I get for you today?" The chipper salesperson chimed.

He leaned over towards the speaker, "yeah can I get uhhh…" He drawled out in that way people always do when they order McDonald's. It took him a few to actually formed the next words out of his mouth. Yusei lived, breathed, and shat McDonald's. Every time he comes here he nearly has an aneurysm out of pure elation. "… I'd like a six-piece Chicken McNugget Happy Meal with apple slices, sweet and sour sauce and…" He thought for a moment longer. He'd shake things up today. Instead of Hi-C Orange Lavaburst he usually ordered, he'd pull a double twist turn-around. "And a milk. I'll take a warrior-type card with that, too, please." Jesus Christ, it was happening. It was actually happening. He was shaking with pure desire.

It took every metric inch of Yusei's willpower to not turbo-boost himself to the paying window. His composure was breaking down, like every time he came to McDonald's. When the cashier opened the window to accept Yusei's money he was a sight to behold alright. His eyes were wide and craved. Craved with hunger. With need. The need for nuggies. He was shaking like he was in an arctic storm and hyperventilating. Yusei practically threw the money at the cashier and took off before the cashier could tell him to drive to the next window.

When he acquired his food, he cradled it as if it were his own child. He definitely treasured it as much. Not wanting to scare the McNuggets, he tenderly placed the Happy Meal box between his legs and went to find a place to park.

Yes. It was here. It was finally here. He had to savor this moment, just like he did every time he came to McDonald's. This did not mean this moment was any less special, however. Just like every time he came to McDonald's. Which was every weekend. He opened the box slowly, inhaling sharply at its contents. Just as beautiful as every time. Which was a lot of times.

The small box hiding the scrumptious treasure inside. The pearl inside the oyster. The rare holo card pull in a blind-bag. The cereal in the box. But those, those he would save for last. The tender, mouth-watering chicken byproduct was going to be saved. Keep the best for last, after all. Next, he looked at the apple slices. The supple, juicy, crunchy wonder slices. Packed with vitamins, fiber, and raw, healthy power, to boot. And finally… the liquid of the gods itself. Milk. Pure, semi-skimmed, organic, fresh dairy milk originating from UK farms.

Then, he lost it. He ripped open the bag of McDonald's Brand Apple Slices, tearing into them like a lion who hasn't eaten in a week. Which is exactly what he was, with his beautiful mane and need for McDonald's weekly. He inhaled gulps of air as he devoured them, which would probably give him the hiccups later. They were gone in less than a minute. He paused his animalistic frenzy, sitting perfectly still. He then let out a mighty belch, similar to a lion's roar, further proving he is a lion as previously mentioned. After that short break, he went back to consuming his McDonald's. Next were the McChicken McNuggets. They met the same fate as the apple slices, albeit swallowed quicker. The Chicken McNuggets were Yusei's favorite. To finish this kingly feast off, he gulped down the milk faster than light, challenging the Master of Faster's mighty speed himself, Jack Atlas.

Yusei sat back, satisfied. "Ah. That sure was a good McDonald's Happy Meal of a six-piece Chicken McNuggets, apple slices, and a jug of fresh milk. I am happy and full and ready to duel." He rode towards the trash bin and deposited the remnants of his meal like a proper and law-abiding citizen and not like some shit-face.

He began to make his way home, feeling on top of the world. Nothing lifted his mood like McDonald's. He could always rely on McDonald's to bring his mood up. He wasn't sure exactly what it was that lifted his mood so much about McDonald's. He knew it was many things, but he could never pinpoint those exact things. Maybe it was the strong taste and tenderness of the Chicken McNuggets. The way they slid down his throat so smoothly, guided and enhanced by the sweet and sour sauce he could practically eat on its own. The soft crunch of the juicy apple slices he adored. The free card that came with it (that's how he built his deck. Coming to McDonald's.) And also, the… hmm. Hmmm… Something was… different. He couldn't put his finger on it though. He zipped down the road, deep in thought about what it could be.

Oh! Of course! He shook his head slightly, chuckling a bit to himself. Of course it was that. He ordered the milk instead of the Hi-C Orange Lavaburst drink! That's what was… wait. No. Something was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. But what could it be?

"… Grruguggrgkkrgl…" said Yusei's stomach.

It then hit him like a pouch of McDonald's french fries to the face.

Oh no.

Oh god.

He forgot.

Again.

He was always forgetting.

He's lactose intolerant.

The McShits were coming.

There was trouble abrew. Yusei had *no* tolerance for milk, but often forgot about this. Hence why he orders milk at bars. He was extremely lactose intolerant and milk turned the insides of his colon into a steamy brew of pure dookey, just as frothy as the milk that causes it.

But this time was different. He wasn't near a bathroom. Usually he was lucky and could make a quick dash to the restroom before he splattered his load.

The way home was long, and he was about halfway there. He had two options. Die like a coward, or die like a hero. He could just go home and release the Kraken but that was going out weak. He wanted to excrete brown in his haven. The place that was his one true, and only, love.

McDonald's.

He sharply turned his d-wheel around, rushing back to the red and golden temple of love. As he was speeding down the road, easily 30 over the speed limit, it happened.

Ppppfffrrereerrrrttt...bbblblblbbbbbbffgghtgpfth.

Yusei's asshole opened and contracted quickly while his buttcheeks slapped together, releasing hot, smelly gas through it. This was only the first of many.

Yusei was playing a symphony as he zoomed down the highway, his hole practically never closing. He couldn't get to McDonald's fast enough. There was a ticking time-bomb in his colon, threatening to spill at any second, and he could feel it encroaching on him.

This was getting dangerous. Yusei's heart was racing and he was sweating bullets. He HAD to take a seat at the office. He had to. His need to take the kids to the pool was greater than any craving he's ever had for McDonald's. He could feel his stomach's bubbling and brewing grower greater every second.

He began squirming in his seat, clenching his cheeks together tightly to prevent leakage. He felt like he was going to burst at any second.

The McDonald's parking lot. He parked his d-wheel, letting out a sigh of relief as he started to get off. Yusei was safe. Yusei…

PPPPRRRRRBHHBBHTBTTTHHPPPPPHHTssssshhhhhhhh…

His baggage erupted from him like a dam bursting. The brown liquid filled his pants and dribbled down his pants into his boots, irritating his butt skin and making everything in the vicinity stinky. The fiber from the apple helped in absolutely no way in making this juice solid. The broth had absolutely no viscosity and continued to rocket from his butthole like a stream of peepee. There was absolutely no substance to it at all. No chunks.

At least, that's what he thought.

As suddenly as the first wave came, it went. Then, came phase two. His soup turned into stew. Mostly still liquid, but with added ingredients. Pieces varying in size from chopped carrots to beans erupted from him so quickly it caused him actual pain. He wailed out for help, in nothing short of pure agony as this misfortune happened. He buckled over and fell off his d-wheel, reducing him to relieving himself on the asphalt of a McDonald's parking lot. He was emptying himself of things he ate seven years ago, things that he didn't even know were in there anymore.

Then, calm. Yusei started catching his breath, breathing through his mouth. The smell was absolutely abhorrent and he couldn't bear breathing through his nose. He closed his eyes, trying to force the events that just happened out of his head and tried to relax.

This was all in vain, however. His eyes shot open and he screamed at the top of his lungs. It felt like he was having a birth contraction while being stabbed in the stomach. It was the absolute worst pain he's ever felt. He laid on the floor heaving, his vision going blurry and his mind numb. He was in so much pain he couldn't think straight. He switched to instincts in that moment.

He began squeezing his stomach, trying to get it out. His asshole was contracting and loosening, trying to let the colossal beast out. It was stuck, much too girthy to simply slide out like phase one and two. He lost control of his bladder and pissed himself on spot

Like a baby sliding out of a pussy, the package started to be birthed. His screaming turned into one long steady one, but his voice soon broke from the stress, little baby brown having torn his asshole open. Blood helped lubricate the traveler, but not by much. It was taking its time and having fun ripping Yusei open. Yusei's hole expanded more than it ever had before, easily surpassing 3 inches in diameter. Then it shot out of him like a missile, but Yusei's butt refused to close. As the load was squished between his buttcheeks, his hole let out a rip-roarin' massive, wet fart, ending the spectacle with a bang. Wet slippery messy goop still slid out of him slowly, but it was nothing compared to the shitshow earlier.

Yusei started to calm down from his hyperventilation, coming to his senses once again.

To police sirens.

Yusei, despite still being in pain, lifted himself up slowly, his eyes going into focus. Around him were a crowd of onlookers of all ages, several police cars, and an ambulance. An officer squatted by him, her eyebrows raised and a look of concern on her face.

"You alright now? Mind telling me what happened?"


End file.
